Boundaries Are Not Walls

A Framework for Autistic Integrity

Photo by Daria Lyalyulina on Unsplash

Autistic humans are often described as having poor boundaries, both for ourselves and for others. We’re told we overshare, or we shut down.

That we lack filters, fail to read cues, or disappear without warning. But these judgments rely on a fundamentally flawed - and deeply neuronormative -understanding of what boundaries are, how they function, and why they matter. They also ignore how many autistic humans are actively unlearning years of survival-based masking and relational trauma. When we treat boundaries as fixed lines or rules, we erase the very complexity we need to survive.

In my work, I’ve come to teach boundaries not as barriers or walls, but as invitations for shared space. Boundaries are not about keeping people out. They are about making it possible to stay in relationship - honestly, sustainably, and without collapse. This is especially true for autistic humans, whose needs often fluctuate day to day, moment to moment. Boundaries are how we communicate those needs - not as a rejection of others, but as a way to stay present with them. At their best, boundaries are the conditions that allow us to say: “I want to be here with you. And this is what I need in order to do that.”